I am not an overly religious person (I am a Christian), and I don’t really ever spout bible verses or anything, but when I went to the internet looking for some comforting words, this bible verse popped up, and it resonated with me.
I’m not going to lie — life lately has been hectic and frustrating.
Sheffield is in the midst of his third ear infection – add teething to the mix, and it makes for one sweet baby that doesn’t want to sleep. The doctor has said that if he’s not completely clear by his 9 month appointment (in two weeks) that she would refer us to an ENT to talk about tubes. So then of course mommy guilt sets in – I read that if you breastfeed (which was physically impossible for me) and don’t put your kids in daycare till after their one year birthday, they are at a significantly lower risk to get ear infections. So then I start blaming myself.
I am about halfway through my half marathon training, and I feel like maybe I’m pushing myself too hard. My back hurts, and my hip hurts. I followed the plan religiously until I was all, well let’s just see if I can do this— and I did it, and that’s when everything fell to shit. I try to do too much all at once.
B and I haven’t had a night to ourselves in over two months. That takes a toll, man. We both go to work, come home, spend as much time with the baby as we can, I go work out, baby goes to bed, then maybe, maybe, we get two hours to enjoy each other. If that, even, because most nights, I’m tired and fall asleep on the couch. I really need to let my insecurities go on this one, and try to find a babysitter that I trust that isn’t family. I refuse to let my marriage take the back burner.
Which brings me to today – I am sick. Again. Last night, B gave me some Nyquil, took the early feeding and let me sleep. Today was the first morning in forever that I woke up not completely exhausted. Sick, but not exhausted.
So what I need to remember is that I cannot control everything. Sometimes you just have to let go and let God as they say.