I’ve had this post sort of in the back of my mind since Sheffield was born — probably some things even before he was pulled out. I know that most of it will sound crazy, but seriously, this is my blog, and, well, I do what I want.
I’ve had baby weight envy pretty much since we brought him home. I worry constantly about what I could have done (even though the answer is most likely nothing) to not have Sheffield be so small. I look at all the other newborns — ones that are 7, 8, 9 pounds — and I get so envious. I know that the only thing that matters is that he’s healthy, but I still wish that he had started out a little heavier.
I worry all the time about him hitting his milestones on time — even though I know that because he was early, that some of them may be off. He’s already given us his first smile and coos, but I worry more about the tummy time — like am I doing enough? Will my kid ever have the arm and head strength to just lay there like I see all the other babies doing? And then I worry that I’m just not doing enough with him. Like am I a shit mom because we place him in his rock n play, or let him just lay and look at his toys on his activity mat? The kid hates tummy time, so we only do that for a few times a day for a few minutes — and by minutes I mean like thirty seconds when he starts howling. And he really likes his paci, so is it bad that we offer that to him as soon as he starts to fuss? AND we usually feed him a nice warm bottle right before bed, so will he really get used to that when he’s older?
So then I see all these Instagrams of other people’s babies doing well with tummy time all with their heads up and doing things, and I’m over here like….ummmm, my kid likes to eat and sleep on my chest. Will he ever be able to get up and crawl? Am I hindering his development by not doing something with him every second of every day? Do I need to be reading to him and shoving toys at him all day? And there is so much contradicting information on the internet that there is no point in even looking to that for answers.
I know that most of being a parent is worrying — worrying for your kids well-being, worrying about absolutely everything. So what they say about it being the hardest job is definitely the truth.
Also if anyone can tell me that I’m not freaking crazy, that’d be awesome.