I have done a ton of research on how people keep their marriages alive and well after having a baby/kids. I consulted the google a million times (and Pinterest, duh) trying to find out common threads among the bloggers/news sites, etc. What I found among all of them was pretty common, so for you, I have compiled the 7 most common things the “experts” say you must do, and also a grade on how B and I are doing in these aspects. Because you gotta keep it real, yo.
(sources: buzzfeed.com (duh), thedatingdivas.com, and yourmodernfamily.com)
- The most common thing among all of these websites was making date night a priority. Your husband/wife time is incredibly important, and reconnecting with your spouse should be number one. Also, bonus points because apparently you set a good example for your children. OUR SCORE: Massive F – we haven’t had a night alone together since Mardi Gras – 3 months ago.
- Do small meaningful things for your spouse. Buy a favorite candy bar or magazine, just because. OUR SCORE: I’d say A- on this. We’re actually pretty good about picking up small things just for the other other . B loves Reese’s cups, so if I’m at Target, I’ll pick them up, and when he’s at Trader Joe’s, he’ll always bring me home a pretty bouquet.
- Kiss and cuddle. Butt grab – always say hello and goodbye, and not just to the good . OUR SCORE: B- on this one. I am really bad about going straight to the baby and saying hello or goodbye, and not saying anything to B.
- Don’t compete – don’t play the I did this, so you did that. You’re a team, so there’s no point in keeping score. OUR SCORE: A – B and I are really good at splitting things right down the middle. Are there some days where one person does more with the baby? Of course there are, but does the other rub it in the other’s face? No. We’re actually really good about this.
- Fight IRL – don’t do it over text. OUR SCORE: If I’m being honest, I give myself an F and B a B. I am really the one to start text fights — I hate confrontation, and always try to resolve things over text. B usually doesn’t indulge me, so we always end up talking it out when I get home. He’s way more mature than me.
- Be specific about what you need – passive aggressiveness is not your friend, here. If you need something, ask. And stop saying everything is fine when it isn’t. OUR SCORE: C. I think we ask for things we need, especially when we need time alone, or need a few minutes to do a chore around the house. Again, passive aggressiveness is the name of the game for me, so I could probably be better about it.
- Get take-out. OUR SCORE: A +++ – take out for the win, always.
So there ya have it — B and I have a few things to work on according to “them,” but hey, marriage isn’t perfect before baby, so why would they be afterward? I know that I love him, and I have loved getting to see him be a father, so I definitely know that it is something that should be worked hard for.