I am very aware of what my biggest flaw is. And what’s funny is that even though I know it, and I know when I’m doing it, I still allow myself to do it. It’s so frustrating, and literally makes me feel crazy that even though I can identify it, I can’t stop doing it.
My biggest flaw: I cannot follow through with anything! I always start something and then end it before I’m supposed to. Even just with teeth whitening strips! This is not a joke – I really stopped just two days short of being done with the box, and they still sit on my bathroom counter, just mocking me every day. Like ha, you are a failure, even at something as simple as teeth whitening strips!
I started NaNoWriMo, and when I got a few thousand words behind (because #life), I just completely quit. Instead of coming up with a plan to just write a little bit more a day, or even just write period, I completely gave up. So my half-written (more like 1/16th written) story sits on my computer. And I’ll probably never go back to it, because that’s who I am.
I tried to start training for a half-marathon a few years ago. I got up to seven miles and quit, so when I decided to do it again this year, I was really nervous with myself. And that is why I forced myself to actually register for one, and spend the $50, because I would be so PISSED at myself for spending that kind of cash and doing nothing with it.
So my new motto:
And I need this as a kick in the ass, because on Monday, all I did was complain to Nadine about how nervous I was about this half marathon and training for it. I missed a week when I was down with strep throat, and I let all of my insecurities creep into my brain. What if I’m dead last? What if someone laughs at me? What if I throw up on the course? What if I can’t finish?
Then, Monday, as I was trying to pick back up my training, I had a terrible run, as in I was so out of breath and I wanted to give up five minutes in. I yelled at myself, because, damn it, I always do this!
Then something magical happened – I gave myself a swift kick in the ass, turned down the speed just a little bit, and finished my run.
I am determined to not let my enormous personality flaw get in the way of this half-marathon. I have been wanting to do this for a really long time, and I’ll be damned if something stupid ruins it for me. So I’m going to stick with my training plan, and take it as it comes.
Also, if someone laughs at me on the course, I’ll just punch them in the face. Problem solved.