I am the queen of being too hard on myself. I once actually had a boss tell me, I’m not even going to discipline you, because I know you’ll be harder on yourself than I ever would be on you. I’m not really sure what it is that drives that, but I have never been one to give myself any grace.
The reason the topic came to the forefront of my mind was because of something that happened at OrangeTheory. We have what is called “benchmark workouts,” where you are challenged to see how far you have come since your last benchmark. They consist of things like a 200 meter row, 1 mile run, 23 minute run – those kinds of things. The one that specifically did it was the 1 mile run. People next to me were running the mile in 5 minutes and 6 minutes, and I clocked in at an 8 minute, 19 second mile. I was so disappointed in myself.
And to be honest, that’s ridiculous. Never in my life did I think I would be able to run a mile that fast. And here I was sitting here telling myself how slow and fat and horrible I was. For running an 8 minute, 19 second mile.
I’m the same with parenting – I feel like I have to be some perfect parent, whose kid never watches TV, and actually eats their meals. I feel guilty for days when I yell at Sheffield.
It happens again when I’m trying on clothes – I’m too fat for this – I’m too old for this.
I know that at some point, I need to give myself a break. I have to tell myself that an 8 minute, 19 second mile is amazing – that my child is loved beyond measure, even though he loves watching Mickey and the Roadster Racers and won’t touch broccoli – that no one really cares what I wear or how I look wearing it.
Do you guys have any advice on how to break this chain of thought?