Oh, I don’t even know where to start with this post. To say that during quarantine, my body image struggled would be an understatement. There were memes everywhere about people gaining weight during quarantine, calling it the quarantine -15, like it’s some giant joke that only thin people are in on.
Quarantine with my body image issues was and continues to be, a challenge. During the first part of quarantine, I was shoveling appetite pills and bloating pills into my body like they were M&Ms. So much so that it messed with my period, and I went a good three weeks thinking I was pregnant, despite negative pregnancy tests. I wasn’t really eating more than normal, and I was working out the normal amount, but somewhere in my brain, I kept telling myself that I was gaining weight.
And there is no proof of this – There are no scales in my house for that reason. It was all what I “saw” in the mirror. My clothes still fit – but when you go down the rabbit hole on IG of all of these people losing weight and getting fit during this time “off,” you sort of start to feel like a fat slob. Like people who I saw were losing fifteen pounds, and I’m like FROM WHERE??!?
Quarantine was difficult in this household- both my husband and I work full-time, and we had a pre-schooler who we were trying to keep on some semblance of a schedule. And even though we did a pretty good job about it, there was still a massive amount of stress.
I broke down one night to my husband telling him all of the above, and he said something like, “Why don’t you just stop following all of those people? ” And it shook my world. I HATE that a little over half a year ago, I was touting all this body positivity that I was learning, and that I was going to get better, and then March hit, and I took a huge setback.
And it was amazing. I saw a woman, who had gained weight due to pregnancy, still living her best life, with wine IN A CROP TOP!! She didn’t care if people knew her weight, and she loved herself. She did these amazing try-ons with normal clothing, and was showing off her amazing body, and I was in awe. I’m pretty sure within the next week, I had bought a crop top of my own.
After that, I started following a ton of women who looked like me – I unfollowed the accounts that made me feel like shit, and started to see myself in these beautiful amazing women. I saw this post below on IG, and it’s so true.
It’s just not worth it. I know that I will continue to struggle with my weight and the way I look for, probably, the rest of my life, but I am learning that a Twizzler after lunch probably won’t kill me or anyone around me, and that pizza nights with my kid aren’t something to punish with an extreme workout the next day.
Baby steps, y’all, baby steps.