This week has just been miserable. I don’t know why, but lately, I feel like I’ve wanted to change everything about who I’ve become. I just haven’t liked myself very much lately; whether it be because I hate the way my hair falls, or the way my dress just seems too short because I’m just too damn tall, or how I get so angry at work, that I swear. A lot.
I just hate it. I feel like I’m back in high school; all depressed and hating on myself. Like when I’d lock myself in my room and blast The Cranberries. It only gets accentuated when I’m here by myself, and B is on business. I try to bring myself up, whether it be with a bubble bath, or a glass of wine, or a new nail polish, but sometimes, there is just no getting out of it.
So I’ll write. Whether it be here or in a journal, and I’ll pore through my old picture albums, trying to think of happier times. Sometimes it helps; sometimes it doesn’t.
So I’ll share pictures from my happy St. Louis trip in hopes it’ll up my spirits before I go to sleep.
|from the museum inside the Arch…or below it I guess.|
|Morgan Street Brewery; this place was overwhelmed with Packers fans.|
|Chicago dog in the Chicago airport.|
|Packer pumpkin head.|
|Where we had lunch…It was delicious. Remember watching the AU game and being semi-embarrassed and surrounded by Wisconsin fans. And ordering an entire burger made out of gigantic mushrooms. Not on purpose.|
|The outside of Morgan Street brewery.|
|Shot board! Carla and I had the Skittles shot, and it was amazing. It really tasted like skittles!|
|I Don’t know if I’d call it the best….|
Maybe I’ll come out of it. I wish there was some way to just tell myself to snap out of it; that things aren’t that bad, and I’ll get through this, but for some reason, there just isn’t. The more I think about now, the more I think about all of my mistakes in the past. And I know that it isn’t fair to blame myself for my past, but I have done some things that I am not proud of, and it all just wraps itself into me wanting to change.