There are so many things that people tell you to be prepared for when you have a baby – say goodbye to your marriage, you’re never going to sleep again, all your new life is going to be is changing diapers and wiping up spit up. While there is A LOT of that — there is oh so much more:
Here’s a list of what I’ve learned in the one year since I’ve become a mom.
Your baby truly will hit milestones when they are ready.
So what your kid isn’t crawling by nine months, or walking at a year, or sleeping through the night at four months, or whatever. SO WHAT?!?! Every child will do everything at their own pace. One day Sheffield just flat out refused the bottle (this was about three days after he turned one), and we haven’t had one since. He was just done with it, and so were we. We were supposed to have been weaning him off it well before then, but oops – we didn’t. And he did it on his own. ALSO, who cares if Sally’s kid down the street walked three months before your kid or was off her bottle before 11 months. Comparesies games make no one happy.
When sippy cups say they are completely spill proof – they are some lying liar pants.
Milk all over our floors — all day, every day.
Babies gonna cry, yo.
It’s what they do.
More food will end up on the floor and in your dog than in your kid’s mouth.
Apparently it’s a super fun game to throw food on the floor for the dog – who woulda thunk? Stella is definitely looking a little heavier these days.
Cutting up grapes into non-chokeable pieces is a serious pain the ass.
The things we do to keep our children alive…..
Savor all those newborn snuggles, because once they’re walking, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
I have to steal them when he’s already asleep – sometimes he’ll come and lay his head down on me, but that lasts for all of five seconds before he’s up and moving again.
Baby throw up is gross – just gross.
Pull a Big Daddy and throw some newspaper on it and forget about it.
No where is there a rule that says you can’t call your one year old an asshole.
Mostly behind his back.
You’ll start to memorize all sorts of baby books.
“In the great green room there was a telephone, and a red balloon and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon” – Good Night Moon ( I did this from memory – I did not look and I think the only thing that may be messed up is it might be A cow instead of THE cow).
Take as many pictures as you want.
All of us have the ability to take pictures at our fingertips – don’t be ashamed to whip out that celly and take pictures of whatever you want, whenever you want. #noshame
When they bring that little face toward yours (even if their mouth is wide open and slobbery) and plant one on you – it is probably the sweetest, greatest moment ever.
No lies. BEST EVER.
When someone tells you that it goes by too fast, believe them.
It does. I have no idea how my kid is one year old – This year flew by so fast, I’m scared of how fast the rest of them will go.
And lastly and this is above and beyond true, you will never love anything as much as you love your kid.
You just won’t.
(please take these for what they are – some are jokes and sarcastic – I don’t really think my kid is an asshole, most of the time.).