Tomorrow we have a tour for a day care. A day care that doesn’t have a waiting list, which means that Sheffield actually going isn’t that far away. It’s not our first choice day care — they can’t get him in until the Spring, which just isn’t going to work for us, but it’ll work for the mean time. They are cheaper, and maybe we’ll end up liking them. Who knows?
I am sad about it. I really and truly wish that I didn’t have to go back to work — I love work and my job, but it is going to be so hard to relinquish the fact that I will miss so much of his life being at work. I’ve cried and cried about it, because I feel like such a bad parent. I know that I’m not — and plenty of people put their kids in daycare, but I don’t care. I don’t want to miss his first word, or his first laugh, or his first crawl. It makes my heart hurt so much to know that I won’t be with him every day, changing his dirty butt and forcing him to do tummy time even though he hates it.
And yes, yes I know I did an entire post on WHY I was returning to work, but I never said I liked it. It’s just finally hitting home that I’m not going to get to spend every day with him — I’m not going to get those midafternoon chest naps or watch him have an entire conversation with a ceiling fan. And I know he’s not going to forget who I am, but it breaks my heart that I’m not going to be the one to comfort him when he’s crying.
I’m sorry for such a downer post, but I needed to get it out. I am so scared that my time with him every day is coming to an end, and I am going to miss it.