Have y’all heard of the Great Resignation taking place these days? Like people discovered what was most important to them during the pandemic, and they decided that working for a company that didn’t care about them or their well-being just wasn’t worth it. And my job has really gotten to me – to the point where I don’t even feel like myself anymore.
I came across this video on TikTok, and it spoke directly to me. I’m not going to post the video here, but here is what she said:
“this way of living isn’t making me happy at all. people call me tough and capable or someone they can count on, but it’s not the same as them seeing me as loving, kind or joyful. i think that if i wear myself out that happiness will be waiting for me on the other side of all that work. but it’s not. on the other side of exhaustion is just more work. i’ve trained a whole group of people that i would never say no: that i will never ask for more time or space, because i’m everyone’s responsible girl. i’m so depleted that i don’t know what whole feels like. i wanna say that i’m being used up by work, but it’s also i who am using the work to avoid something. i am using it to avoid becoming acquainted with the self who has sat hidden under all the accomplishments my entire life”
– @femhomeec on TikTok
The above sentiment is everything I feel. The line about feeling so depleted that I don’t know what whole feels like? That has been this girl lately. I so want to be seen as joyful – I feel like that is someone that I am and want to be – I don’t want to be dragged down by work each and every day, and I certainly don’t want to take it out on Sheffield and Bennett.
When as a society did we decide that this “I’m so busy,” lifestyle is ok? To not have any down time – to constantly be checking work emails, taking work calls and stressing non-stop day and night about what is going to happen yet today, or what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day. How have we, as a group of people, decided that this is how we want to live? This cannot be something we unanimously agree on.
I have been trying to figure out what I am going to do – I know that something needs to change, but I’m not sure how to make it change. Or make that change. That’s always the scary part, right? Knowing that something needs to change, but not knowing if you’ll be ok on the other side of that change.
I want that time with my family – Sheffield is only little once. I am more than sick of being interrupted with work during a weekend where we are doing something together, or having a phone call when we are sitting at the dinner table. I am more than sick of being the person who volunteers and helps everyone, and then gets none of that in return. I am tired of putting off doctor’s appointments and not putting my health first.
So, I did something out of my comfort zone (that seems to be the theme of 2021 – one that I’m not mad about), and I crafted an email to my boss outlining what I wanted. It wasn’t snotty, and it didn’t blame anyone for anything. I simply outlined my concerns, and what I wanted the end result to be. My boss responded, and we have an in-person meeting to go over where I am, and what needs to change. I am hopeful that the larger issues will be resolved – mainly getting that work-life balance back on track.
I have grand plans of finally setting some work boundaries – phone off by dinner time, relinquishing control of an account that I’ve controlled since inception, and not always being the first one to volunteer for extra work or assignments. I am hoping that I can finally follow through.